The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings be upon him) declared, "Help your brother, be he the oppressor or the oppressed." The Companions responded, "As for the oppressed, we understand, but how should we help the oppressor?" "Stop him from oppression," replied the Prophet (peace be upon him). What else do we need to be told to get involved? Let’s do it the right way.
Ensure their safety.
Call 911 if it's emergency. In case of domestic violence, call National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233), 24 hours, toll free.
Seek medical treatment, if victim is hurt.
It's important that victims do not hide anything from doctors and nurses or they will not be able to help them fully. If they have been abused before, give that detail to doctors too.
Listen to them.
This is one of the most important things you can do. Be aware of the difference expressing concern and telling someone what to do. Your job is to encourage them to express their feelings and make their own decisions.
Believe them.
Do not deny the abuse is happening. There are many cases where no one believed the victim until it was too late. Do not pass judgment, or be sceptical.
Offer your unconditional friendship and support.
If it's uncomfortable to discuss the relationship itself, start by helping them feel good about themselves. Show your support, no matter what. Talk to them about their strengths. By rebuilding his/her confidence it becomes easier for the victim to visualize acting to change the situation.
Tell them it's not their fault.
Stress that they do not deserve the abuse and that abuse is NEVER acceptable. Remind them often that you are there for support whenever necessary.
Do not preach.
Tell them that their safety is your priority. Do not give them confusing lectures about Islamic values.
Identify the unhealthy behavior.
Keep track of things you have noticed about the relationship with the abuser. Identify the changes you have seen in your friend's behavior.
Encourage them to build a support system.
A victim of violence needs a broad support system that includes parents, teachers, counselors, and other friends.
Safety plan
Make sure they have a safety plan. Go over it with them. Perhaps you can keep their important documents and things at your place.
Encourage seeking help
Provide support in facing the problem and dealing with it for the sake of each member of the family. Provide support and transportation to places like shelters, legal aid, etc. If you have an Imam you can trust to deal with this situation appropriately, encourage seeking his help first. It is possible that your friend will feel more comfortable with an Imam and an Islamic center than in mainstream social services. Check other resources
too.
Do not spread gossip.
Gossip can put a victim in danger if it gets back to the abuser, so think before you speak. Your friend has taken a big step in speaking to you—it is critical that they can trust you with confidential information.
Do not directly confront the abuser.
Avoid all contact whatsoever. Don't put yourself in the middle by offering to be a mediator or go-between -- even mental health professionals will generally not work at the same time with both members of a couple in which there has been domestic violence.
Do not blame the victim.
The victim should never feel as though the abuse is his/her fault. Make it clear that no one has right to abuse another. Explain the dynamics of the cycle of violence.
Do not rush.
Leaving an abusive situation usually takes time and isn't something to rush. Be there and be patient, so the victim can emerge from the problem on his/her own timetable.
Don't make them do something.
Don't force your friend to do something s/he may feel uncomfortable doing. The victim needs to make his/her own decisions. It's okay to be persuasive, but not to get angry. Don't try to end the relationship for them.
Know your risks.
Check out the list of risks we have compiled for you.
Do not encourage abuse.
Laughing at degrading jokes or put-downs signals acceptance of the behavior. Do not laugh at demeaning jokes about other people's family members, even if it is your friend who is joking, because it reinforces the abuser's behavior. Not going along with the joke sends a signal that putting down a family member is not okay.
Do not put up with abusive behavior or harassment.
If nothing else, you can send a message by walking away. In this issue, there is no innocent bystander. Best of all, speak up and tell your friend to stop it.
Do talk to the abuser if you feel safe doing so.
Talk about your concerns and refuse to accept excuses. Be clear that you are still a friend, but you disapprove of the behavior.
Be there, listen, and stay there.
You may feel like a broken record but you'll be surprised at how much of what you are saying is getting through.
Recognize and praise their good behavior.
Encourage them to be honest.
Show your support when they are.
Help them clarify their feelings.
Explain that possessiveness and jealousy are not love.
Understand that abuse is a CHOICE.
Help your friend understand this. Abuse is a learned behavior.
Encourage them to seek professional help.
Go with them if that's what it will take. Check out resources.
Do not condone the abuse.
Abuse is never okay. Not because of a bad day, not because someone was drunk, and not because someone was really angry.
Do not get stuck in the middle.
Do not be a mediator or offer to be a "go between" for the couple, unless you are trained for it. You are there to help him/her bring about change in an abusive behavior.
Do not cut off your friend.
Reject the behavior, not the person. Be very clear about this. Explain that their abusive actions are bad, not that they are a bad person. Choose your words carefully.
Know your risks.
Check out the list of risks we have compiled for you.
Here we are talking about helping a family whose loved one is being victimized or is being abusive, and they don’t know what to do. We provide tips for speaking with adults whose family members are in an unhealthy relationship. The situation becomes more complicated when a child who has not reached the age of legal responsibility approaches you for help. In these cases, we advise you to seek professional advice, as you may be legally obligated in some jurisdictions to report abuse to the authorities.
Listen to them.
This is one of the most important things you can do. Remember that there is a difference between expressing concern and telling someone what to do. Your job is to encourage them to express their feelings and make their own decisions.
Believe and respect them.
Do not deny the abuse is happening. Do not pass judgment. Do not ridicule their family.
Offer your unconditional friendship and support.
If it's uncomfortable to discuss the relationship itself, start by helping them feel good about themselves. Show your support no matter what. Talk to them about their family’s strengths.
Do not preach.
Tell them that the safety of their loved ones is your priority. Do not give them confusing lectures about Islamic values.
Encourage them to build a support system.
A broad support system includes relatives, teachers, counselors, and other friends.
Safety plan
Make sure they have a safety plan that they have discussed with the victim. Maybe you keep their important documents and things at your place.
Encourage seeking help.
Provide support in facing the problem and dealing with it for the sake of each member of the family. Provide support and transportation to places like shelters, legal aid, etc. If you have an Imam you can trust to deal with this situation appropriately, encourage seeking his help first. It is possible that the family will feel more comfortable with an Imam and an Islamic center than in mainstream social services. Check other resources, too.
Do not spread gossip.
Gossip can put a victim in danger if it gets back to the abuser, so think before you speak. The family has taken a big step in speaking to you—it is critical that they can trust you with confidential information.
Do not directly confront the abuser.
Avoid all contact whatsoever. Direct confrontation may make the situation worse. Abusive behavior only changes when the abuser accepts responsibility for his action.
Do not rush.
Changing an abusive situation usually takes time and isn't something to rush. Be there and be patient, so the victim can emerge from the problem on his/her own timetable.
Do not make them do something.
Don't force the family to do something it may feel uncomfortable doing. The victim needs to make his/her own decisions. It's okay to be persuasive, but never to get angry. Don't try to end the relationship for them.
Make sure they know their risks.
Check out the list of risks here.